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Saturday, January 09, 2016
Why i chose not to watch filipino movies

Christmas season is over and the manila film industry has been in control of what is showing in cinemas. From Dec 25 to New years eve, theaters are directed by the local government to showcase only filipino made movies. I really hate this time of the season cause i don't have any choice of movies that i wanted to see And since i dont have cable at my place, i just resort to downloading movies off of the intenet I'm not against filipino directors, i know that some filipino indi movies have improved alot if not, has surpassed some of the major movies that are being produced today. But i still dont watch them anyway here are some reasons why i avoid watching locally made films 1. Most of them movies are centered around making people laugh but has no content. alot of the scripts are focused mainly on what is "socially acceptable", the "in-phrases" which does not even mean a thing. 2. Action films only focus on poverty, maltreatment and revenge. i remember when i was growing up, i had to endure movies showing on tv that focus on these things, the whole story starts with a cop's family life, which shows how happy they are and easy going. after about 15 minutes in the movie, somehow on of the hero's family member gets mugged, or sometimes daughter and wife gets raped and killed in the process, and in the next 15 minutes, we see the "good cop" all up in tears and drowns himself with alcohol and upon sobering up, magically comes up with a plan to get even with the people who have wronged his family and wont rest until he hunts them down and murders them. Sometimes the hero's best friend tries to talk him out of it but does nothing to prevent it. 3. Comedy films that has alot of musical numbers that has nothing to do with the story. 4. No morals whatsoever. 5. Product placements everywhere Lastly, it does not teach children to learn foreign languages so when they grow up, finish college with little or no grasp in speaking or understanding the english language. i on the other hand, although i have studied from elementary to highschool in a private school (with good morals and claims to teach proper english), sadly, did not learn the english language there. My mom however, got me interested in learning and understanding english at an earlier age, which got me hooked in watching foreign films and tv series such as sesame street, the greatest american hero, doogie howser MD, startrek and many more. I find that watching and listening to english programs, reading books had somehow increased my grasp in its vocabulary and i got to learn phrases as well. i believe the key to learning something is to emerse oneself, and be patient enough to learn the basics.

Posted at 09:16 pm by kulafu
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Sunday, December 08, 2013
December 8, 2013 - Sunday 2:44am @ Starbucks 32nd street and 7th avenue

December 8, 2013 - Sunday 2:44am @ Starbucks 32nd street and 7th avenue Just finished watching Ender's Game at Newport Cinema. Graphics was really great plus they had Harrison Ford as a supporting actor. The movie was not that great and not that bad either. I admit i got a little dissapointed, cause they have skipped alot from the original book. Well you know what they say, "you cant always get what you want". Anyways, after the movie i decided to go to starbucks and just relax, have some coffee and read a book (ender's game book 2). Got a taxi and when i got there, i was surprised to see alot of people still awake at this hour. Last time i was here about 2 years ago, i think it was a Saturday, i got at starbucks around 11pm with my old IBM laptop to study web developing and was about to make a web site for a local church. I remember that there were people back then but not alot. After i ordered my coffee, i was able to go upstairs and got a chair near an outlet. I remember i also got picked on by a bunch of highschoolers, they tried to get my attention and tried to scare me. I just gave them the face and the group laughed and left me alone. Anyways, i was just comparing the number of people at that time. Right here, right now at 2am, people keep pouring in. So i decided to go next door, Army Navy which is fortunately open 24 hours, ordered food and could not find an a seat next to an outlet to charge my laptop. so i sat at the corner where no one can sit beside me and i can see everyone except the counter. I like being hidden and out of the way from people coming in. 15 minutes had passed and people are still coming in from everywhere. Wow, this is really weird. I guess people here are either working for call centers or rich people who just live nearby. Well from the way they dress and talk they are both. All i was thinking was, i came here just to have some peace time. it's a good thing that i brought my music player with me and can tune out the noise. Cause without my music player, i dont think i could stand the crowd and the chatter they would bring. I wouldnt last two minutes without them. At least with my headphones on, i can imagine that i am in a room with good music playing and they are all just background displays. I always envy people who draw strength from crowds and never tire. For me, one hour with a big crowd at a party, saps every last morsel of strength i possess. I have tried to attend a party three times now, with people at my work and time and time again, i would find a dark corner and stay there and just watch them party for about an hour or two and i'd grow tired. They all seem like drones entranced by their drunken stupor and just move around with their own little group and try to jump and squirm in tune with loud party music. Women girating with their partners and men raising their beer bottles in their hands and try to look cool with other people. They all look like crazy youngsters who just got out of highschool and do things that they are forbidden to do. This is supposed to be fun to them. After they had their buckets of beer they would loose themselves and try to lip lock with the person they had a secret attraction for the longest time. but some of them at least try to control the intake of alcohol. While all of this chaos is going on, i just hang back in a dark corner and look at their faces in trance. Married people flirting with others. Animalistic behaviour seem to take over them and do whatever their bodies order them to do. Creatures of instincts, i often wonder if this kind of intoxication is really worth it. Well from what i see from other people mindlessly go through the adrenaline induced alcohol intake. It's not worth it, i always say to myself. Its also fortunate that i had an allergy with alcohol. I remember the first time i tried a drink. I just mixed with just a little of alcohol, and after drinking half of the glass and after 30 minutes. i noticed that i started to have big red marks and the the itch that came with it. I then decided not to take in alcohol anymore. And after 2 decades or so, i tried to drink a bottle of beer and the big red marks returned again. i then decided to experiment and try one bottle of beer a day, and did it for a week. the red marks never went away after i stopped and it stayed for almost 2 weeks. i bowed never again. Taking a smoke is another thing. I am allergic to smoke, and this is because of my allergic rhinitis thing. It's not my choice but it helped me to stay away and not to have these kinds of vice in me. Back to the present. it is now starting to crowd in here at Army Navy. People are starting to pour in now. Maybe i should leave now... Nope, i am trapped. Should have seen acted on it earlier. Crowd is now overpowering my music. I just need to get out now. But how indeed? - maybe i will just read first... Finnaly got out from Army Navy. Was able to order coffee from starbucks and got a corner seat table at the second floor. Not much people up here but downstairs sounds like a big party is a happening. Even with my earphones on, their voices still carry through the second floor. Cant complain and will not complain, this is a public place and it is not a library. i imagine that the decibel levels downstairs is way off the charts. Too many people talking at the same time and laughter seem to grow every minute. Sometimes i wish that there is a library that is open 24 hours, i'd be happy as ever. tranquility at its best. Just several years ago, this place at this time of hour seem to be deserted. Now, it seems that people has discovered this place and decided that it would be a place for them to be all chatty and not caring about other people studying or trying to just find a quiet place to read and sip coffee. Again, this is a public place. Who am i to command them to stop and act civil. Guess i shoulld start creating my website.

Posted at 04:29 am by kulafu
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Saturday, December 22, 2012
December 22

December 22, 2012


It has been 10 days since I have written about April, and I’m afraid my quest to knowing more about her, for all intents and purposes, sad to say, has gone south. A couple of days after my last letter, I have been tossing and turning, I found myself thinking about her more often than normal. I try to find ways how to get her out of my thought process, and hard as I try, I could not. Work did not help either; I was transferred to the night shift, while she remains in the morning shift. I used to come to work at 5am and she, 30 minutes after. I would take my breaks according to her breaks for us to have a chance to talk and to be more acquainted. Well that fantasy is now over and so I thought. Friday last week, I came out of refresher training and it was 6am. Instead of going down the elevator I made myself brave and went up to the 6th floor to get a glimpse of her. I know deep in my mind, I lost the chance of being near her the way I acted, or should say, the way I reacted on her text message, probably confirming her suspicions on how I really felt for her. I remembered how I was not able to suppress the feeling whenever I would spend time with her, and honestly I could say that she had bewitched me in every way. The way she smiles, the hint of her Visayan accent every time she tries to converse with me, and how she wrinkles her nose when she said something that embarrasses her; and most of all, the calmness inside her that seems to resonate from within. Don’t get me wrong, I am not putting her up on a pedestal as some would worship women more than God. I am just fascinated with the way she carries herself. I have met women that are far more breathtaking and more beautiful than her, but none of them seem to have the confidence that she shows. Well enough of the boring stuff. As I said earlier I got another chance to see her, as I stepped into the elevator, I was really worried about how she would react when I would come barging in at their floor and I really don’t know how to approach her without me looking like a lost puppy, longing for someone to give me some love and attention. I was hoping that my roommate will be there so I would have an excuse. The elevator door opened to the sixth floor and as I was walking towards the office where she works, thinking of ways not to embarrass myself as I go in there. As it turned out I do have an alibi cause my friend was indeed there at his station. I walked in and she was at her station, I didn’t know if she noticed me but she was combing her hair when I came in. I walked up to my roommates workstation, which is about to cubicles left from her station and I purposely rested my arms on the table of my roommates right side and I was facing her left side. She was so engrossed in combing her hair and I don’t know if she noticed me come in as she appeared to be busy. I looked towards her and she kept on combing. I then asked my roommate if he is about to go home he said teasingly “if I knew you better you have another agenda here” in response I said, “we had a refresher training and I believe your schedule is about to end and I was wondering if we could go home together” well, he kept on teasing me without her hearing but somehow it was strange that she kept on brushing her hair with her head down, the whole time I was there. I think my roommate and I were conversing for about 5 minutes now and she still has not finished combing. I think she is avoiding my hopeful stare. Finally, I had a chance to excuse myself when my boss came over and spoke to my roommate, they were talking about the Year End Appraisal which I was supposed to do and so I hurried along downstairs to attempt to do it. I got downstairs started doing the YEA, but somehow I could not. So after 15 minutes of trying to figure out how to do it, I gave up and came back upstairs to wait on my roommate. I was expecting that she would ignore me again but to my surprise, she was one of the persons who greeted me cheerily while I came in. So I hesitantly walked over to her side and sat down. She was talking to the others and they were asking me about what I think about something (which I did not remember) and I gladly responded to their inquiry. I quickly lost interest in what they were talking about and I was really glad that I can sit beside her without any reservations. The thing that caught me off guard was how she handled the situation, I know she knew about my true feelings and yet she did not show any negative feelings towards me. Just to show that everything is fine with me, I asked her about her change in schedule. She said that she will start a new schedule next week and she will be starting from 4pm to 1am. Not that far with my schedule, she is only 3 hours ahead of me. Then she went back to their conversation. I stayed right beside her for quite some time, just enjoying her company. Although we have not spoken directly, it is enough for me. I did not dare ask her about our minor disagreement, because I am afraid that she would shut herself out from me. I waited 30 minutes more just sitting beside her and my roommate said it is time to go. I wanted to stay longer but it was time for us to go. The taxi ride home was full of interrogating questions from my roommate about why I was really there. I told him my true intent and he was satisfied with my answer. Suffice to say, I felt a sliver of hope rising in my chest, perhaps there is still a chance to pursue this fantasy of mine. The next day, I sent her a text message, inviting her to watch “The Hobbit” with me. And her usual answer was none. It was her off I think, the one thing I forgot to ask her the other day besides her schedule change. Saturday and Sunday came and there is still no response from her. Monday, after my shift, I tried to go upstairs and look for her, I forgot that her shift ends at 1am and it is already 4am. So I went home and opened my facebook account and sent her a message. Again, no answer; so I went ahead and watched “The Hobbit” all by myself. I bought a ticket and chose G13 as my seat (last time she chose to sit on that chair), before the movie started, I was hoping that she would come in and sit beside me. But she did not.

So I spent the rest of the week thinking of her and going upstairs to the 6th floor pantry and not dare come into her office, hoping that she’d miss me too. Up until now, I haven’t approached her and talk about the little fluke that went on two weeks ago. I am thinking maybe I should.

Posted at 02:12 pm by kulafu
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Wednesday, December 23, 2009
story of my life

It started one Sunday at church, a trio of musicians came and performed. Two of them were male, one who brandished an acoustic guitar while the other holds a microphone. In the middle was a female who braded her hair in such a way that she would look like a daughter of an Indian chief but at the same time a brilliant looking Jamaican. When it was time for them to perform, i noticed that two of them has the look of arrogance, which made me feel a little bit annoyed. The girl, on the other hand, seemed to carry herself well, despite the snugness displayed by her companions. They sang their set of songs. Everyone was pleased by the way their voices sound, as it blended and seemed to come together with each song that they performed. I on the other hand, was just sitting there and looking all around to see the audience faces as they were serenaded by the group and the look of amazement whenever they look at them. It's as if as though it was the first time they heard a trio singing in harmony and in complement with each other. I was a little bit tickled at they way the people around me were reacting to each song. I was drifting off in the sea of people making funny gestures and extraordinary pictures with their faces. I was completely unaware of the performers as i watched the audience in silly harmony, each doing their own version of emotions but in sync with everyone else. Until i heard a voice suddenly breaking through the crowd, a voice which filled me in an unexplainable way. As i slowly turned my attention towards the front. There she was, singing as if she was the only one in that room. I felt a tingling at the base of my spine, each time she opened her mouth and words seemed to dance around and make a beautiful melody. I tried to shake off the feeling, but with no success. I tried not to look at her intently, but her voice seemed to lose all of my logic and made me helpless and seemed to make me focus all of my attention towards her. I didnt care about the people around me anymore i felt like i was one of them, the object of my ridicule. And as i continued to look at her, it's as if everything was melting away, the sound of the music, the sound of the people at the back who was not really interested but talking about what their plans are after the function. And then i found myself alone with her, i could only hear her voice clearly. Like an angel, her face so full of welcome, her voice intoxicating, Ive never felt anything like this before. I came back to reality after her song was finished and everyone seemed to fade in again as they made a sound of appreciation. I was the only one on my feet and giving them my applause of fascination and appreciation. In my mind i would like to get to know her badly and would love to be a part of her interesting life. She was just perfect. She was the one, i told myself. And so i had a chance to get to know her, i became a part of the group, and i was one of them in front singing and performing. We were invited in different functions and we get to spend some time together with the group. I was really so excited seeing her, and performing with her and at times i get to hug her before and after some performances, after all, we were in the same faith. Two years past and i still had no courage telling her how i feel. I really do not know how to say it to her, i was not an expert in that field. So like any other band, i get to see her and perform at her side with much hope and longing, but there was this inevitable thing that occurs with each group, we got tired of each other. One by one each one would like a chance to steal the crowd and make a name for themselves. And it was during those times that i saw her interest seem to focus at a guy who was promised to marry someone who was outside the country, i watched her fall head over feet with this guy and tried to warn her if the other girl came back. But i was ignored, she still went through with it. Until one Sunday, the other girl came home and just like that, she was ignored. I can still remember her face when she saw him across the crowd and waved at him with much expectation then when she was halfway towards the crowd to meet him, another girl held his hand and hugged him and he hugged back. She stopped in the middle of the crowd, and slowly lost her wonderful smile, and then looked at the floor and then turned to her left side headed to the door and disappears. I made a feeble attempt to follow her and thought of ways of comforting her, but when i got to the gate she was gone. I then decided to wait a couple of months just to see if she's doing fine and ask her to go out with me. Despite the warnings of my fellow band mates not to pursue her. I remember one of them harshly commented on my age against her 'she's too young for you' the fact that i was only 7 years older. So i finally asked her for a date, i said we would eat at Fridays. We met up somewhere at an LRT station and that's when she told me that she was engaged to a guy who was 12 years older than her...


Pretty much my whole world just caved in right then and there. I would have told her that the date was not a good idea, but i decided to push on through the date. A lot has happened during the short trip towards the restaurant like me forgetting where i placed my ticket to the train, or almost falling off the sidewalk. There were a lot of things going through my mind. We ate and tried to have much fun together, but deep inside, i had wished that i had died. After the meal we went our separate ways and left me with nothing but an empty whole. A couple of years passed and they got married. And the band also was dissolved, it's funny that i also got to sing at their wedding and i hated it when some of my superficial friends told me that i put a lot of emotion to the songs that i sung. 

Posted at 06:44 am by kulafu
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Friday, May 29, 2009
time to change

funny how time passes even when you are not having fun. yes, four years have passed and still i am at this job that i do 5 days a week, 9 hrs a day (including lunch time that is not payed). well, i'm not saying that i do not enjoy this job i have, but just to point out, it took me nearly four years to enter another level with my current work and i am not going to sit around and wait another 4 years to get to the next level. it's true that i lack some educational background that is needed for me to have a promotion but who knows? i believe i've already completed a month without any lates or absences (and yes, i used to be fond of being tardy or at least have 1 day that i skip work just to say that i am able to maximize my sick leaves for the year). i want to start a new trend this year (and i hope i wont give up so easily). i know that you can not gain anything by being lazy and laid back when it comes to making a living. i wanna be able to accomplish something in my life (at least at the work place) so that i can look back and say to myself that i had accomplished something that is worthwhile. let me put it this way, i'm 34 and im a college drop out, my singing career is, i believe not going to push through (including the long overdue "indy album" that should have come out several years ago) and i am still single (still clueless when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex). and so, i will have to do some sacrifices and be able to accomplish these simple goals in my life so that i would be, in a kind of way, say to myself, that i have not totally waisted this life that i borrowed in this planet. so, God give me strength!

Posted at 06:41 am by kulafu
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Friday, March 11, 2005
what am i to do?

last year somebody asked me if i could star in a locally produced musical called "Jesus Christ Superstar", and now that i have a job waiting for me, which i really don't know what the schedules would be like. i recently found out that they are going to continue the said event early or late this year. i am now torn between two things, one which reflects my longing and passion as being a musician to be a dream come true and the other is a necessity for me to live and go on with my life. however, without each of them i would feel very unaccomplished. what am i supposed to do? both of them i love, yet both of them seemed to be conflicting everytime. I pray to God that he would make a way for both! it would really be neat if the two would be perfectly done. that i would have time for my job and the other. how i wish and pray that both of them would complement each other. and that i would have no problems at all. especially with my job, i hope that i will not have any complications wit my voice. but of course you have to take one and leave the other. Oh how i wish life would be simpler.

Posted at 01:00 am by kulafu
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
A simple wish

hey, i finally got a job. well i got accepted at a job that i applied for. i thought i wouldn't be able to get in, as i have said in my past blog. i haven't finished a degree yet and i am 30 years old. i hope i can do the best that i am supposed to do in this job and besides, i need to help a special someone in my life. she needs to be confined and we need the money for the surgery. one of the reasons why i applied for this job is for me to be able to help my mom with her surgery. she still needs 5k pesos for her surgery and my first salary will at least be 2 weeks from now. sad to say i have to wait that long. my mom's surgery will be this coming monday. i still haven't got any money to support her. she's the only one i got. my dad passed away several years ago and that made a devastating effect in our family. my older brother lives with my mom right now and my only concern is for him to see what the condition of my mom and take action. i mean he's already married and his children and wife still lives with my mom. come to think of it, the house they are in is really small, it's really enough for 1 bachelor, but hey. my mom lives there, my youngest sister, my oldest brother, his wife and their three children which really bothers me alot. here is my mom, having cancer and still they cling to her like clams. my only prayer is that my brother would realize that my mom is really crowded and that she is really having a hard time living with them. i mean, his three boys are already a crowd too hard to handle. also he has his wife that is not really fond of my mom. i really wish that i would be the one who would live with my mom, and that my brother would come to his senses and that he would really learn that he really needs to leave me wiuth my mom. so that i coud help her. my trauma now is that my broither won't really realize these things.

Posted at 02:08 am by kulafu
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Monday, January 31, 2005

i am helpless, i am lost
always in hunger, always in thirst
pushing away, wanted to be alone
blinded by pride and jealousy, envy
i walk alone waisting away

can't remember how we first met
how it felt to be safe
in Your arms, the warmth of You
guess all i need is trust
how hard could it be?

You are helpful, You found me
You sheltered me, sustained me
kept me assured, made me your own
with open arms You held me tight
with open hands showed me love

Your greatness ever so abounding

so i will walk...
in Your faithfulness surrender
You are awesome!

Posted at 12:47 am by kulafu
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
another day

i admit i'm a bum. i applied for this job and i haven't have the courage to follow up on it. my mind says that i need this, and indeed i do. but my heart says wait. there's something more waiting for you. just be patient, this heart of mine says. but with this circumstances, i have to go with the former. Change is good as some would say, but these changes scares me. i know i need to move out of my comfort zone but, selfish as it may sound. i have been too comfortable with the routines of this short life of mine. i'm more of a person who is assuring rather than that of a gambler. oh yes i can gamble if i wanted to, but resources have been short lately. today, i'm down to my last few pesos and i really dont know what to do but to complain. that's it. again i would reiterate, i'm a bum.

Posted at 05:37 pm by kulafu
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
1st day of being thirty

Q :     how old are you?

A :      I just turned 30 yesterday


Q :     do you have a job?

A :      I used to have one, but since my employer did not see any more use for me,

I simply got turned down with no separation pay


Q :     So what do you plan on doing after this great disappointment?

A :      Id probably apply for another one


Q :     what kind of job?

A :      maybe I would try my luck on a call center or something


Q :     have you applied for the job?

A :      not yet, I dont have money to continue my application?


Q :     how about a loan of some sort?

A :      Ive been thinking about it lately, but I know that most of my friends would ignore my request for a loan. So I dont have any chance of getting my act done.


Q :     how come you wont trust your friends for help?

A :      well, theyre just busy with their own lives that they dont even notice that Im dying here.


Q :     so, are you trying to tell me that you are just going to sit around and wait for some type of a miracle to occur for you to be able to sustain yourself?

A :      all questions points to yes.


Q :     so youre some type of a bum?

A :      not really, I just dont want to cause problems with most of my friends especially when they are trying to help me and such. Whatever.


- end -

Posted at 01:34 am by kulafu
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